Despite the fact that the past month was largely consumed by the crazy rush to complete the holiday to do list (and that's my less cynical view), Jon has been ever present in my mind and the sadness of his departure seemed to take on new magnitude. The holidays are a tough time for a lot of people, and an image popped into my head last week that I think characterized this truth quite well. The big and significant occasions or milestones have this effect of figuratively putting a giant magnifying glass on whatever it is that's going on in your life at the time. On the positive side, if you're feeling happy about something like finding new love or expecting a baby, the holiday magnifying glass increases the happiness many times over and amplifies the promise that the future holds. But on the other hand, if you are feeling the absence of something significant in your life, the magnifying glass over these special occasions seems to truly enlarge the pain and create an image that's very hard to look at. When I thought about Jon over these holidays, I tried to focus on the happy memories of being a kid with him on Christmas morning, but was mostly reminded of how very tough the holidays were for him especially over the past few years. The magnifying glass did its thing on Jon for sure. For me this year, it increased the anguish of feeling I did not do enough to shield him from those effects. But while I continue to feel that heartache, I remain determined to try and find the lessons in it, in an attempt to give meaning to Jon's struggles. The most significant thing I take from it is this: Even on your busiest days, take the time to consider what the magnifying glass may be doing to others, recognize loneliness and pain, and play your role in creating something positive for those who are struggling so that when the amplifying effect takes place, it may hurt a little less. If the positive things are also magnified, then perhaps the effort could make a bigger difference in the life of someone struggling so much.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
The Magnifying Glass
Despite the fact that the past month was largely consumed by the crazy rush to complete the holiday to do list (and that's my less cynical view), Jon has been ever present in my mind and the sadness of his departure seemed to take on new magnitude. The holidays are a tough time for a lot of people, and an image popped into my head last week that I think characterized this truth quite well. The big and significant occasions or milestones have this effect of figuratively putting a giant magnifying glass on whatever it is that's going on in your life at the time. On the positive side, if you're feeling happy about something like finding new love or expecting a baby, the holiday magnifying glass increases the happiness many times over and amplifies the promise that the future holds. But on the other hand, if you are feeling the absence of something significant in your life, the magnifying glass over these special occasions seems to truly enlarge the pain and create an image that's very hard to look at. When I thought about Jon over these holidays, I tried to focus on the happy memories of being a kid with him on Christmas morning, but was mostly reminded of how very tough the holidays were for him especially over the past few years. The magnifying glass did its thing on Jon for sure. For me this year, it increased the anguish of feeling I did not do enough to shield him from those effects. But while I continue to feel that heartache, I remain determined to try and find the lessons in it, in an attempt to give meaning to Jon's struggles. The most significant thing I take from it is this: Even on your busiest days, take the time to consider what the magnifying glass may be doing to others, recognize loneliness and pain, and play your role in creating something positive for those who are struggling so that when the amplifying effect takes place, it may hurt a little less. If the positive things are also magnified, then perhaps the effort could make a bigger difference in the life of someone struggling so much.
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Since you posted this I have read it repeatedly and have read it yet again tonight. Jen, it is a lovely sentiment that I will continue to return to:
ReplyDelete"recognize loneliness and pain, and play your role in creating something positive for those who are struggling"
Every few days I see or hear or am told something and suddenly, immediately and reflexively think "Gurman would love that!" I speak about him to others often to this day. I always will.