Lessons Learned

I have a short story to share, which I hope is the first of many that will serve as evidence that something can be learned from Jon's life - perhaps one of the best ways to ensure he lives on.  Recently, I was walking with a friend of mine, who had just returned from a girls' weekend with a bunch of her close friends.  She was telling me that during the weekend, one of the friends got very upset at something which seemed trivial to the rest of the girls, and abruptly decided to go home early.  Naturally, those left behind were perturbed at what seemed like unnecessary drama.  My friend went on to question outloud how to handle the girl who left, now that the weekend was over, understandably wanting to let her know that they were hurt and annoyed that she put such a damper on their weekend.  A few months ago, I would have jumped right on the bandwagon and thrown my annoyance onto the pile.  But I think Jon's death has made me see things so differently now, and before I knew it, out of my mouth came a simple but apparently powerful statement about how you never know what someone might be going through on the inside, what demons they might be fighting, and what pain they might be suffering from.  Try first to understand someone else's pain, without judging or assuming you know the feelings or motives behind their behavior.  My friend was quiet, our walk continued, and the topic changed.  The next week, when we met again for a walk, she told me she owed me a big thank you - apparently what I had said to her (which I had long since forgotten about) struck her deeply, and in her words, completely changed not only how she approached the situation, but also how the rest of her friends did, after she shared our conversation with them.  I in turn thanked her, for making me aware that - without knowing - I had passed on a lesson that has come from the very deep sadness I feel for not fully understanding Jon's pain.  I feel immesurable regret over that, and struggle every day to accept that I cannot change the past.  This simple occurence with my friend however, reassures me that maybe I can change the future, and that I am now more obliged to do so than ever.  Jon has taught me that behind anger and even hurtful behavior, there may be a deep personal struggle that isn't easy to understand, but that meeting it without judgement and a desire to understand just might make a difference.